Boundaries and Anger

Recognizing and Defending Your Boundaries

Shirley J. Davis
5 min readJun 3, 2022

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Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

Anger is a natural consequence of living through childhood trauma, the leading cause of complex post-traumatic stress disorder. As children, many survivors were hurt by people who needed to care for them but didn’t and used them for their purposes.

One of the most dynamic causes of anger in survivors is the missing or the lack of setting and maintenance of appropriate boundaries. This article will examine boundaries and how anger explodes on the scene when they are not respected.

What are Boundaries?

A boundary is a line that separates us from one another. Boundaries separate us in physical space, our feelings, our needs, and our responsibilities from other people. Boundaries are also what tell others how they can and cannot treat you. Without healthy boundaries, people can’t tell where you end, and they begin and sets you up for being used.

Healthy people will respond to someone crossing their boundaries by providing feedback to the other person, saying it isn’t okay, as boundaries are worthless unless you enforce them.

Some people will respond well and accept a boundary, but others will challenge your boundaries in an attempt to control you and your actions.

Boundaries create an appropriate separateness that allows you to know your feelings, make your own decisions, and know who and what to ask for without people-pleasing.

Healthy boundaries are necessary for good self-care, as, without them, you will feel depleted, intruded upon, or taken for granted. It doesn’t matter whether it is at work or at home; poor boundaries lead to resentment, hurt, burnout, and anger.

Meaningful Boundaries

Setting boundaries that are meaningful to us is critical if we are to have healthy relationships with friends or intimate partners. We choose who we interact with, and we feel violated if we feel someone is trying to take advantage of us.

Interacting with others who have poor boundaries is frustrating because you cannot gauge who that person is or what they need. It may be more difficult for people with mental health issues to build healthy boundaries…

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Shirley J. Davis

I am an author/speaker/grant writer living among the corn and bean fields of Illinois in the U.S. I own Davis Integrated Services .