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How and Why to Leave a Trauma Bond

Shirley J. Davis
8 min readDec 8, 2019

Did you ever stop and wonder why you didn’t leave the abuser of the past or the one (or more than one) you have been in a relationship as an adult? What was the glue that held you to silence and obedience in either case? Why didn’t you tell the world about what was happening to you?

Why?

The answer is a phenomenon known as trauma bonding.

This article will take a look at this strange occurrence and how to combat it.

What On Earth Is Trauma Bonding?

Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash

Simply stated, trauma bonding is loyalty to someone who is harming you in some way, such as sexually, physically, or mentally. Trauma bonds happen in relationships where there is intermittent reinforcement of the person being loving and charming mixed with abusive behaviors such as hitting, raping, yelling, and name-calling.

As human beings, we are hardwired to need bonding to other humans, and when someone shows us affection, it is easy to fall into the trap of someone narcissistic and abusive.

To be clear, falling in love with and not leaving someone who is harming you is not a weakness, and you are not at fault. I will repeat that, so it gets in; it is was and is not your fault.

What Are Some Signs of a Trauma Bond?

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Shirley J. Davis
Shirley J. Davis

Written by Shirley J. Davis

I am an author/speaker/grant writer in the U.S. My passion is authoring information about mental health disorders, especially dissociative identity disorder..

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